It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan. Jon Stewart More Quotes by Jon Stewart More Quotes From Jon Stewart Glenn Beck does have a dream. Unfortunately, it's the kind of dream you have when you eat four pepperoni hot pockets right before bed. Jon Stewart pocketsbeddream It's harder to eat meat when you know the animal's name...I have found. Jon Stewart meatnamesanimal To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me! Jon Stewart oiliraqwar I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance Jon Stewart ignorancecomfort I want you to admit that there is such a thing as white privilege. Jon Stewart white-privilegewhitewant If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable, totalitarian mullahs in the world but not with Republicans? Maybe he's not the problem. Jon Stewart usafunnyamerica I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you. Jon Stewart upsetcaregiving Must be nice to be a Republican senator sometimes, because you get the fun of breaking sh*t and the joy of complaining the sh*t you just broke doesn't work. Jon Stewart nicejoyfun You've confused a war on your religion with not always getting everything you want. Jon Stewart confusedwarreligion The psychology degree is simply that I was a chemistry major, and they kept wanting the correct answer, whereas in psychology you basically write whatever you want, and chances are you get a B. Jon Stewart psychologydegreeswriting It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what was out there. We were obsessed with the moon and whether we could one day visit it. The day we finally walked on it was celebrated worldwide as perhaps man's greatest achievement. But it was while we were there, gathering rocks from the moon's desolate landscape, that we looked up and caught a glimpse of just how incredible our own planet was. Its singular astonishing beauty. We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry. Jon Stewart moonmothermen You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F-- you. Jon Stewart palinknowswant Everybody talks about the entitlement generation. There is no time I'd rather live in than now, and there is no generation I would more entrust the future of this country to than this one. There is a tendency to live in a nostalgic state in this country, and to think that other generations possessed an integrity and a tenacity greater than the generation that is now. I wholeheartedly disagree with that. I believe that this is a group that will rise up to any challenge that comes before them as well as any other generation in America would have done. Jon Stewart integritybelievecountry Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It’s Romney’s inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax code largesse that’s a little offensive to people. Especially considering Romney’s view on anyone else who looks to the government for things like, I don’t know, food and medicine. Jon Stewart medicinegovernmentviews Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people. Jon Stewart corporationspeoplefirsts Don't censor yourself to comfort their ignorance. Jon Stewart comedianignorancecomforting The Republican party is the party of nostalgia. It seeks to return America to a simpler, more innocent and moral past that never actually existed. The Democrats are utopians. They seek to create an America so fair and non-judgmental that life becomes an unbearable series of apologies. Together, the two parties function like giant down comforters, allowing a candidate to disappear into the enveloping softness, protecting them from exposure to the harsh weather of independent thought. Jon Stewart apologyindependentparty Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge made that critical leap from 'be afraid' to 'be very afraid,' raising the terrorist threat level to orange for financial sectors in New York, Washington, D.C., and northern New Jersey. ... Ridge's announcement comes amidst reports he will step down as head of homeland security after the election. Ridge himself has refused to comment on the story, though colleagues say he has often expressed a desire to spend more time at home, scaring his family. Jon Stewart orangenew-yorkhome Oh press - must you spread hate? Can't you just stick to being wrong? Jon Stewart spreadhatesticks The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians. Jon Stewart corporationsjournalismmedia
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