It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog. Mark Twain More Quotes by Mark Twain More Quotes From Mark Twain In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy. Mark Twain sarcasticinspirationdoors There are lies, damned lies and statistics. Mark Twain motivational-sportsinspirationallying I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. Mark Twain sarcasticinspirationaldeath When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. Mark Twain life-lessoninspirational-lifeanger I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result profoundly humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals. Mark Twain animalmenscience I hate to hear people say this Judge will vote so and so, because he is a Democrat -- and this one so and so because he is a Republican. It is shameful. The Judges have the Constitution for their guidance; they have no right to any politics save the politics of rigid right and justice when they are sitting in judgment upon the great matters that come before them. Mark Twain hatejusticepeople When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. Mark Twain 50th-birthdayhappy-birthdaygrowing-up The public is the only critic whose judgment is worth anything at all. Mark Twain editorscriticismwriting The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them. Mark Twain politicalgovernmentorder The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. Mark Twain educationinspiringinspirational Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. Mark Twain friendshiplifefunny Blasphemy? No, it is not blashphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy; if he is as little as that, He is beneath it. Mark Twain religiouslittlesreligion The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. Mark Twain forbidden-thingsforbidden-fruitliterature I deal with temptation by yielding to it. Mark Twain dealstemptation Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. Mark Twain halloweenfake-peoplefunny There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. Mark Twain returnmathscience Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Mark Twain deep-thoughttruthwitty It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. Mark Twain atheistreligiousdeath I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want. Mark Twain sassydiscoverylife The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. Mark Twain demandsocietyskins
