It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status. Russell Baker More Quotes by Russell Baker More Quotes From Russell Baker Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things. Russell Baker war peace history An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong. Russell Baker learned-person information education The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any. Russell Baker real work writing Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime, and should be taken in small doses. Russell Baker taken goal happiness The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist. Russell Baker inspirational funny travel Listen once in a while. It's amazing what you can hear. Russell Baker Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. Russell Baker nature suffering summer Americans like fat books and thin women. Russell Baker usa moral book Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture. Russell Baker seize-the-day life funny Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it. Russell Baker parenting growing-up children Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. Russell Baker company misery love The worst thing about the miracle of modern communications is the Pavlovian pressure it places upon everyone to communicate whenever a bell rings. Russell Baker thought-provoking communication miracle It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic. Russell Baker wallets law seems Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. Russell Baker break-up work funny In writing, punctuation plays the role of body language. It helps readers hear you the way you want to be heard. Russell Baker roles play writing It is fitting that yesteryear's swashbuckling newspaper reporter has turned into today's solemn young sobersides nursing a glass of watered white wine after a day of toiling over computer databases in a smoke-free, noise-free newsroom. Russell Baker nursing wine white The biographer's problem is that he never knows enough. The autobiographer's problem is that he knows too much. Russell Baker too-much problem enough A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems. Russell Baker solve problem two People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. Russell Baker sarcastic funny people Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. Russell Baker car funny science
