It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. Andy Borowitz More Quotes by Andy Borowitz More Quotes From Andy Borowitz Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years. Andy Borowitz eight war years Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public. Andy Borowitz idiotic dumb said The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about. Andy Borowitz funny-life now-and-then life-is Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that. Andy Borowitz hurricanes made earthquakes Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy. Andy Borowitz garden president way US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage. Andy Borowitz cash made lost To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney. Andy Borowitz romney mark republican All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson. Andy Borowitz mourning independence funny On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations. Andy Borowitz 4th-of-july anniversary funny Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron. Andy Borowitz stupid-people political funny The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps; and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns. Andy Borowitz cutting gun believe Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people" Andy Borowitz technology new-relationship funny We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS. Andy Borowitz gps pakistan needs Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part. Andy Borowitz political running funny Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know. Andy Borowitz age birthday people Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning. Andy Borowitz christmas religious funny Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery. Andy Borowitz settling slavery action Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years. Andy Borowitz welcome watches years Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.' Andy Borowitz comedian mom home NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out. Andy Borowitz trivia cain black