keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target. Joan Rivers More Quotes by Joan Rivers More Quotes From Joan Rivers Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. Joan Rivers upsetstay-strongenjoy That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around. Joan Rivers girlfunnysex Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today. Joan Rivers todayyearsthinking My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples! Joan Rivers feelernippleslows Tonight I'll be interviewing Ken Watanabe, Keisha Castle Hughes, Benecio Del Toro and Djimon Honsou - and yes, those are actors, not caterers. Joan Rivers castlestonightactors I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet. Joan Rivers sweatersguywriting I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963. Joan Rivers bornnextrooms I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke. Joan Rivers ropesuicidalnight I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are. Joan Rivers acceptingapprovalpeople I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?' Joan Rivers hatememorablepeople I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs. Joan Rivers humorousmemorablefunny You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. Joan Rivers agingfunretirement Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel. Joan Rivers grandchildrenpigstalking I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God! Joan Rivers dyingrealitythinking I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it. Joan Rivers alzheimerscomedianmemorable The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself. Joan Rivers survivalactingthinking Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. Joan Rivers think-positiveoptimismdark My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there." Joan Rivers daughterspeakmemorable I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch. Joan Rivers ak-47leisurefashion There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I've Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune. Joan Rivers degreesselfbook
