Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate. Bill Bailey More Quotes by Bill Bailey More Quotes From Bill Bailey It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life. Bill Bailey outlook-on-life humor funny Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it Bill Bailey marijuana clubs fashion Nostalgia: How long's that been around? Bill Bailey humor funny long This shed does not contain me. Bill Bailey humor doe funny It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still. Bill Bailey humor animal funny I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning. Bill Bailey holiday morning son What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp. Bill Bailey humor funny long American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it. Bill Bailey rocks humor funny If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive. Bill Bailey easier enough thinking So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all! Bill Bailey beautiful-things beautiful How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight! Bill Bailey eight humor funny I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine Bill Bailey magazines humor funny Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?" Bill Bailey humor mother funny I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me. Bill Bailey bottles stuff bird I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.' Bill Bailey dad humor funny I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game. Bill Bailey running funny country There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours. Bill Bailey couple humor funny The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die. Bill Bailey alive humor funny I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion! Bill Bailey woods humor funny At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills. Bill Bailey college jobs thinking
