Maybe you had to be dying to finally get to do what you wanted.I fidgeted around with the puzzle pieces for a while longer, but I wasn't lucky. Nothing seemed to fit without a whole lot of work.Then I had this thought: What if it was enough to realize that you would die someday, that none of this would go on forever? Would that be enough?

Carol Rifka Brunt

Categorized in : Forever Dying What If

There's just something beautiful about walking on snow that nobody else has walked on. It makes you believe you're special.

Carol Rifka Brunt

snow beautiful believe

Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn’t have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again.

Carol Rifka Brunt

unrequited-love falling-in-love people

My mother gave me a disappointed look. Then I gave her one back. Mine was for everything, not just the sandwich.

Carol Rifka Brunt

sandwiches mother looks

Nothing had changed. I was the stupid one again. I was the girl who never understood who she was to people.

Carol Rifka Brunt

girl stupid people

I only need one good friend to see me through. Most people aren't like that. Most people are always looking out for more people to know.

Carol Rifka Brunt

good-friend people needs

I need to figure out the secret. I need to work out how to keep things flying back to me instead of always flying away.

Carol Rifka Brunt

work-out flying secret

Every new party, every new bunch of people, and I start thinking that maybe this is my chance.That I'm going to be normal this time. A new leaf. A fresh start. But then I find myself at the party, thinking, Oh, yeah. This again.

Carol Rifka Brunt

party people thinking

Sometimes it feels good to take the long way home.

Carol Rifka Brunt

feel-good home long

Going into the woods alone is the best way to pretend you're in another time. It's a thing you can only do alone. If there's somebody else with you, it's too easy to remember where you really are.

Carol Rifka Brunt

woods remember way

I was in a place where nobody knew my heart even a little bit.

Carol Rifka Brunt

bits heart littles

I thought of all the different kinds of love in the world. I could think of ten without even trying. The way parents love their kids, the way you love a puppy or chocolate ice cream or home or your favorite book or your sister. Or your uncle. There's those kinds of love and then there's the other kind. The falling kind.

Carol Rifka Brunt

uncles book fall

I dream about people who don't need to have sex to know they love each other.

Carol Rifka Brunt

dream sex people

I had no idea how greedy my heart really was.

Carol Rifka Brunt

greedy heart ideas

I stared hard, trying to find a pattern. Thinking if I kept looking hard enough, maybe the pieces of the world would fit back together into something I could understand.

Carol Rifka Brunt

together trying thinking

I know all about love that's too big to stay in a tiny bucket. Splashing out all over the place in the most embarrassing way possible.

Carol Rifka Brunt

buckets tiny way

You get into habits. Ways of being with certain people.

Carol Rifka Brunt

habit people way

I knew the way lost hopes could be dangerous, how they could turn a person into someone they never thought they'd be.

Carol Rifka Brunt

lost-hope dangerous way

Once you know a thing you can’t ever unknow it.

Carol Rifka Brunt

knows

You could try to believe what you wanted, but it never worked. Your brain and your heart decided what you were going to believe and that was that. Whether you liked it or not.

Carol Rifka Brunt

brain heart believe

I stared out the window the whole way, because it was raining, which is how I like the city best. It looks like it's been polished up. All the streets shine and lights from everywhere reflect off the black. It's like the whole place has been dipped in sugar syrup. Like the city is some kind of big candy apple.

Carol Rifka Brunt

light cities rain