Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything. Tim Allen More Quotes by Tim Allen More Quotes From Tim Allen If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, "God, I wish I'd done this; yeah, but I did do that." Then it kind of balances out. Tim Allen balancemistakemean Men aren't allowed to have self-esteem, because we're already supposed to have all the power.... But most men earn less than they want, barely the minimum wage. They're drones. They do stuff they don't want to do to support their families, and they're not sure why they do it. They don't know what they're doing half the time, and any time we stick up for ourselves, we're pigs because we don't know how to articulate our frustrations and joys. Tim Allen frustrationself-esteemmen I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system? Tim Allen either-orsocialismdemocracy Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. Tim Allen datingwittyfunny I'm actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats. Tim Allen catguydog Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better. Tim Allen humorousgodfunny The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels. Tim Allen philosophicalreligiousmean I have way too many commitments. I get pulled in too many directions and I never seem to be able to satisfy anybody. People get turned on by knowing a celebrity, even my friends and family. They feel that there's something exciting about me, but in reality there's no substance to it. People in airports just hold on to me expecting something and it seems that I always come up empty. It's frustrating because I'm trying to please everybody, and ya just can't do that ... at least I can't. Tim Allen airportsrealitycommitment I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify. Tim Allen memories Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. A typhoon couldn't blow that thing off their heads. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier. Tim Allen drunksoldierblow In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers. Tim Allen girlboysfather Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver? Tim Allen denverflightreality Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. Tim Allen liarspositivefunny I've always felt, and I don't like to say this because I sound like an ex-patriot, I always feel quite a bit more comfortable sometimes in Canada. For a variety of reasons. I just think it's a politer place. Kind of. You don't have quite the population to deal with but you don't immediately get into skirmishes with everybody. If you had any passport, any terrorist would let the Canadians off the plane. Tim Allen populationsoundthinking When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite. Tim Allen very-smartsmartopposites Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do. Tim Allen dreamlovemen I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don't do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn't like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I'd probably eat vegetables. Tim Allen gunvegetablesanimal But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman. Tim Allen inhumancarmen I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life. Tim Allen logosgraphicartist I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did. Tim Allen classmenjesus
