MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages. Ambrose Bierce More Quotes by Ambrose Bierce More Quotes From Ambrose Bierce Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. Ambrose Bierce officecountrypeople Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. Ambrose Bierce wisdomwiseeducation Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. Ambrose Bierce foodmenscience ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions. Ambrose Bierce diplomacydemandlasts REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm. Ambrose Bierce molesnatureart Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else Ambrose Bierce causesenergyhome MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later. Ambrose Bierce bodyheropeople Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion - thus: Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; Therefore- Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second. This may be called syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed. Ambrose Bierce blessedscienceart Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify. Ambrose Bierce small-partsignoranceknowledge Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think. Ambrose Bierce educationmaththinking Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues. Ambrose Bierce italianbeautifultwo Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. Ambrose Bierce machineslawpigs Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first. Ambrose Bierce patriotismambitiousnames MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with. Ambrose Bierce naturebrainscience Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. Ambrose Bierce spiritualchristianfaith Achievement; the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. Ambrose Bierce achievementsuccessdeath April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. Ambrose Bierce aprilfools-daymonths COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. Ambrose Bierce pocketsmoneykind All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher. Ambrose Bierce philosopherdelusionalinsanity There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful. Ambrose Bierce telephonesteachwould-be
