Christopher Moore: Moses should have said "Let my people go. Please."

Children see magic because they look for it.

Christopher Moore

imagination-creativity life children

An adventure story is fear recalled in comfort.

Christopher Moore

comfort stories adventure

If you think anyone is sane you just don’t know enough about them. The key — and this is very relevant in our case — is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own.

Christopher Moore

keys insanity thinking

He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.

Christopher Moore

taught love-is thinking

Turtles hate heights. They don't even like being a few feet off the ground. It's the main reason they have resisted evolution for so long-fear of heights. Turtle thinking goes thus: Sure, first our scales turn into feathers and the next thing you know we're flying and chirping and perching on trees. We've seen it happen. Thanks, but we're staying right here in the mud where we belong. You're not going to see us flying full-tilt boogie into a sliding glass door.

Christopher Moore

hate doors thinking

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

Christopher Moore

irritating sarcasm revolutionary

Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong.

Christopher Moore

flower heart song

Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair.

Christopher Moore

bags rolling despair

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.

Christopher Moore

teeth children people

Why understand when you can believe?

Christopher Moore

believe

Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.

Christopher Moore

rehab lasts nice

I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.

Christopher Moore

seven pants breakfast

And I'll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer. And should there be children from your beastly rutting, I shall have the Russian man cut them to tiny pieces and feed them to Madame Jacob's dog. because, although he may be only a worthless, simpleminded, libertine artist, Lucien is my favorite, and I will not have him hurt. Do you understand?

Christopher Moore

hurt dog children

There's a fine edge to new grief, it severs nerves, disconnects reality--there's mercy in a sharp blade. Only with time, as the edge wears, does the real ache begin.

Christopher Moore

sorrow grief real

We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.

Christopher Moore

again-and-again back-again pain

And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.

Christopher Moore

rejection black pain

Regardless of its purpose, the humpback-whale song is the most complex piece of nonhuman composition on earth. Whether it's art, prayer, or booty call, the humpback song is an amazing thing to experience firsthand, and I suspect that even once the science of it is put to bed, it will remain, as long as they sing, magic.

Christopher Moore

prayer song art

Blessed are the dumbfucks.

Christopher Moore

blessed

Nobody's perfect... Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

Christopher Moore

nobodys-perfect guy perfect

Science, you don't know, looks like magic.

Christopher Moore

magic science looks