My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening. Alice Roosevelt Longworth More Quotes by Alice Roosevelt Longworth More Quotes From Alice Roosevelt Longworth If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. Alice Roosevelt Longworth nice witty funny My specialty is detached malevolence. Alice Roosevelt Longworth specialty malevolence detached I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development. Alice Roosevelt Longworth development belief secret I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both. Alice Roosevelt Longworth united-states i-can president He sprang from the grass roots of the country clubs of America. Alice Roosevelt Longworth government roots country He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. Alice Roosevelt Longworth pickles memorable looks I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. Alice Roosevelt Longworth funny-inspirational inspiring life I'm the only topless octogenarian in Washington. Alice Roosevelt Longworth Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit. Alice Roosevelt Longworth hair men funny I valued my independence from an early age and was always something of a individualist … Well, a show-off anyway. Alice Roosevelt Longworth independence shows age If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me. Alice Roosevelt Longworth humor say-anything funny I live by three rules: I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired and scratch when I itch. Alice Roosevelt Longworth scratches tired sleep People in Washington seem as hypnotized by precedence as though they were hens with their beaks on a chalk line. Alice Roosevelt Longworth hens lines people [On Washington, D.C.:] a town of successful men and the women they married before they were successful. Alice Roosevelt Longworth towns successful men [Remark about Calvin Coolidge she says was erroneously attributed to her:] I do wish he did not look as if he had been weaned on a pickle. Alice Roosevelt Longworth pickles wish looks ... [woman suffrage] has made little difference beyond doubling the number of voters. There is no woman's vote as such. They divide up just about as men do. Alice Roosevelt Longworth differences numbers men You can't make souffle rise twice. Alice Roosevelt Longworth souffle You can't make a souffle rise twice. Alice Roosevelt Longworth souffle If YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE..COME SIT BY ME. Alice Roosevelt Longworth social-graces magnolias nice If you can't think of anything nice to say, come sit here beside me. Alice Roosevelt Longworth nice ifs thinking
