My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars. Chris Rock More Quotes by Chris Rock More Quotes From Chris Rock I get approached to do shows all the time. There's a lot of money in sitcoms, but I've never been the kind of guy who wanted to do one. I don't think people want to see me saying "Honey, I'm home." It's just not my thing. Chris Rock home people thinking When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium. Chris Rock mediums soda ghetto If you live below your means, you can turn down stuff all the time. Chris Rock turns stuff mean I see guys who can't make 10 percent of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards. Chris Rock four guy house No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend. Chris Rock crazy men two Oprah is rich; Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!' Chris Rock bills money way I always say about my daughters, they save me from my miserable self. They take me out, you know, a comedian, you could live in your head a lot. And you're writing and you're doubting. But when I'm with my kids and my family, it's all about them. Chris Rock daughter mother writing Tomorrow is more sure than just about anything else in the entire world. Chris Rock tomorrow world It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast. Chris Rock running funny sex Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow. Chris Rock daddy humor funny I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you! Chris Rock humor war funny The two best things you can do for a person is have sex or make them laugh. Chris Rock laughing two sex When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it's natural causes. 'Cause if you was younger, you'd have got out the way! Chris Rock causes matter way I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway. When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself - people like to see that. Chris Rock car broken people Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth - hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile! Chris Rock weed boys mean You could be married and bored or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere. Chris Rock being-single bored lonely I'll probably pay more attention to the musicians in the pit than the stars because they're the closest you're going to get to normal people in the audience. Chris Rock musician stars people Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon. Chris Rock satire beats I learned pretty quickly that it's your WORK ETHIC that LEVELS THE PLAYING FIELD. Education helps, but I've met failures who have Ph.D.s. I believe the hardest worker is always going to win. Chris Rock work-ethic winning believe Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was being a teenager... Boy, was I wrong! Chris Rock comedian teenager boys
