My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked. by Henny Youngman

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

Henny Youngman

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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs. by Henny Youngman

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

humor golf funny

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough' by Henny Youngman

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

doctors humor funny

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says,... by Henny Youngman

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'

asks lawyer two

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions. by Henny Youngman

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.

new-year giving-up years

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat hi... by Henny Youngman

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

horse humor funny

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic... by Henny Youngman

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.

cop communication thinking

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. by Henny Youngman

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.

telephones saws bills

I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.

afternoon four long

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcor... by Henny Youngman

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

theatre funny firsts

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old... by Henny Youngman

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.

humor funny years

College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink. by Henny Youngman

College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.

fountain drink college

I live about four muggings from Central Park. by Henny Youngman

I live about four muggings from Central Park.

central-park parks four

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

doctors humor funny

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.

fifty cards two

I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself. by Henny Youngman

I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.

commit killing suicide

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossi... by Henny Youngman

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

wife losing impossible

A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks! and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in?

running doors men

My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick... by Henny Youngman

My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick".

family brother funny

Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the... by Henny Youngman

Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!

italian humor funny

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match. by Henny Youngman

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

girl humor funny