My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken. Joan Rivers More Quotes by Joan Rivers More Quotes From Joan Rivers Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. Joan Rivers upset stay-strong enjoy That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around. Joan Rivers girl funny sex Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today. Joan Rivers today years thinking My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples! Joan Rivers feeler nipples lows Tonight I'll be interviewing Ken Watanabe, Keisha Castle Hughes, Benecio Del Toro and Djimon Honsou - and yes, those are actors, not caterers. Joan Rivers castles tonight actors I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet. Joan Rivers sweaters guy writing I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963. Joan Rivers born next rooms I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke. Joan Rivers rope suicidal night I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are. Joan Rivers accepting approval people I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?' Joan Rivers hate memorable people I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs. Joan Rivers humorous memorable funny You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. Joan Rivers aging fun retirement Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel. Joan Rivers grandchildren pigs talking I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God! Joan Rivers dying reality thinking I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it. Joan Rivers alzheimers comedian memorable The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself. Joan Rivers survival acting thinking Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. Joan Rivers think-positive optimism dark My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there." Joan Rivers daughter speak memorable I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch. Joan Rivers ak-47 leisure fashion There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I've Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune. Joan Rivers degrees self book
