My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money. Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnytwo I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am. Rodney Dangerfield hypochondriacbelieve For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper. Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnytwo If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant. Rodney Dangerfield restaurantsdinnerhistory I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone. Rodney Dangerfield funny-relationshipphonesnight I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! Rodney Dangerfield girlhumorfunny She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial. Rodney Dangerfield sundialsuglyfaces Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone! Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnysex I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing. Rodney Dangerfield freakhumorfunny I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped. Rodney Dangerfield zooskidschildren I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother. Rodney Dangerfield wifemothertwo My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit Rodney Dangerfield humorzoosfunny I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate. Rodney Dangerfield high-schoolsexyschool I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already. Rodney Dangerfield southerngirlmade I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window. Rodney Dangerfield wifecheatingthinking He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms. Rodney Dangerfield cover-upsarmsway Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home. Rodney Dangerfield wifehomepot Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. Rodney Dangerfield hooklastsmouths My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. Rodney Dangerfield humormotherfunny At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette. Rodney Dangerfield cigarettesmokingsex
