Never put a sock in a toaster. Eddie Izzard More Quotes by Eddie Izzard More Quotes From Eddie Izzard So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for Eddie Izzard empiresturkeyseurope Most transvestites fancy girls. Eddie Izzard transvestitesfancygirl I just play to progressive audiences. You know, if they're watching Discovery Channel, History Channel, that kind of thing, "Monty Python" have already laid the groundwork. They're known around the world. People like that kind of surrealist, left-field humor, and that's what I do. And "Saturday Night Live," a lot of American humor. "The Simpsons," above all, the weird, left-field humor, which I love. And sardonic. So that's all I'm doing. I find that audience, and they're in every developed country around the world. Eddie Izzard pythonnightcountry Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy; and the Romans thought, Relaxed and groovy?! No, no, no, no, no! So they murdered him. And kids eat chocolate eggs, because of the color of the chocolate, and the color of the... wood on the cross. Well, you tell me! It's got nothing to do with it, has it? Eddie Izzard kidsjesusthinking I think I'm actually a mainstream, popcorn-eating kid. I've always been that, so I'd sit there watching action movies and American moves before I watch other movies quite often because I am that kid. But I've pushed into the more alternative area because that's where it gets really interesting creatively. Eddie Izzard kidsmovingthinking If you can be your own force of nature and have a positive heart, then you can actually do something good in the world. Eddie Izzard forceheartworld I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work. Eddie Izzard becoming-a-womanminutesdoors Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class? Eddie Izzard jet-enginesclassthinking Queen Victoria, one of our more frumpy Queen's. They're all frumpy aren't they? Because it's a bad idea when cousin's marry. Eddie Izzard cousinqueensideas I did bronze survival swimming. I could save people in a bronzey kind of way. Eddie Izzard swimmingsurvivalpeople How to survive boarding school. Do not express emotion, do not feel emotion, do not have emotion. If someone hits you, hit them back, if someone argues with you, argue back, never give in an inch, never look vulnerable and you will survive. Eddie Izzard givinglooksschool Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words. Eddie Izzard notesmusicpoetry-is They say the Universe started with a big bang. I hope everybody stood well back. Eddie Izzard bangswellsbigs But puberty was... well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite 'cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know? Eddie Izzard causeskidsschool Some people are widely read. I'm thinly read. Eddie Izzard people People still talk about a British sense of humour, or French slapstick or how the Germans have no sense of humour - and it's just rubbish. I do strongly feel that we are all the bloody same. Eddie Izzard slapstickrubbishpeople San Francisco! City of dreaming spires, people live here... Golden Gate Bridge, ahh the Romans came here. Eddie Izzard citiesbridgesdream I want to live till I die. No more, no less. Eddie Izzard dieswant Spiders frighten me. In response to the spider alerts for Australia, please can the Australian government remove all spiders from Australia and blow them into outer space. Eddie Izzard australiagovernmentblow When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'. Eddie Izzard snowmancoming-outworld
