Never run with scissors or other pointy objects. Billy Connolly More Quotes by Billy Connolly More Quotes From Billy Connolly The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. Billy Connolly nuclear comedy looks It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things. Billy Connolly islam different religion If you give people a chance, they shine. Billy Connolly shining giving people I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There's an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it's a different venue. Billy Connolly hecklers tickets different I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can't fly Billy Connolly up-in-the-air adelaide air When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here? Billy Connolly waiting witty funny Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head? Billy Connolly humor mother funny I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research. Billy Connolly reality people school Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. Billy Connolly funny-love wedding marriage Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away. Billy Connolly let-it-go swimming feelings My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard. Billy Connolly buckets kitchen advice Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it's like they're in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique. Billy Connolly constitution revolution unique Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else" Billy Connolly humor baby funny If you're going to do an interview about a movie or anything like that, you're vulnerable. You say stupid things. Or if you're applying for a green card you feel very vulnerable and you're likely to spout out something stupid in the middle of it all. Billy Connolly vulnerable stupid I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little. Billy Connolly citizens people thinking A fart is just your arse applauding. Billy Connolly arses humor funny Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question. Billy Connolly mountain guy answers I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do. Billy Connolly angel atheist believe I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. Billy Connolly marijuana angel believe There's nothing like it, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club's badge - but not a sausage. Billy Connolly people years thinking
