New rule: Stop calling it Obamacare. It's not like Obama will be the doctor for Bill Maher More Quotes by Bill Maher More Quotes From Bill Maher I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it's your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate? Bill Maher unclesbrotherchildren All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex. Bill Maher humorousfunnysex Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that. Bill Maher weekmushroomslasts I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again. Bill Maher punishmentjusticethinking Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn't be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road... besides I can't talk now, I'm in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD. Bill Maher dvdsphoneshumorous I think girls hate each other, no doesn't always mean no, you have to lie to stay married, women's sports are boring and the Olympics are gay. Bill Maher girlhatesports Americans are desperately, here on the West Coast, buying up and hoarding iodine pills... Isn't it great that in a land that is divided between conservative morons and liberal pussies, somehow we have managed to find a way to pull together and behave like moronic pussies? Bill Maher iodinepussyland Republicans have pounced. They're outraged. They say, 'How dare you lie about caring for the people who got hurt in the war we lied them into?' Bill Maher hurtwarlying I think there is a problem, though, with the media gushing over [Obama] too much. I don't think he thinks that he's all that, but the media does. I mean, the coverage after, that I was watching, from MSNBC, I mean these guys were ready to have sex with him.It's embarrassing. Bill Maher meansexthinking Newt Gingrich...is absolutely for bombing Iran and for lowering gas prices. And I've just to say, you can't be for both. They are diametrically opposed. Bill Maher newtsgasiran Obama is huge in the polls these days. His popularity is soaring. Even conservatives are coming around. 30 percent of them now believe Obama deserves a Green Card. Bill Maher greencardsbelieve I think we do sympathize. And a lot of us think a lot of what Snowden did was great, and you're abetting him. But, we also think, well, if we are going to have someone who is going to be the one to take secret materials and disseminate it...why you? You weren't elected to that post. That seems to be what the question always comes down to. Bill Maher snowdensecretthinking New Rule: News organizations have to stop using the phrase: "We go beyond the headlines." That's your job, dummy. You don't see American Airlines saying, "We land our jets on the runway"! Bill Maher landorganizationjobs Sarah Palin should not be on vacation. She should be in summer school. Bill Maher vacationsummerschool The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that's what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee. Bill Maher iraqpresidentgold You know, we do a lot of complaining here in America. And that itself is something they can't do in a lot of other countries. Bill Maher complainingcountryamerica The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks...still safer than a Toyota. Bill Maher tanksbombscar Life is not like a box of chocolates unless there's a few turds in the box. Bill Maher turdschocolatelife-is Between trying to impeach Bill Clinton, Florida 2000, and the recall in California, I'm beginning to think that Republicans will do anything to win an election-except get the most votes. Bill Maher floridawinningthinking The [Libyan] rebels this week kind of hinted to the United States that they could use a little help. Right. Like, America would just blunder around the Middle East killing people without all the facts. That doesn't sound like the America I know. Bill Maher soundamericapeople
