Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. George Burns More Quotes by George Burns More Quotes From George Burns Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there. George Burns funny-lovelove-yourelationship When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. George Burns humorouswittyfunny I'd rather be over the hill than under it. George Burns over-the-hillhills Fall in love with what you're going to do for a living. To be able to get out of bed and do what you love to do for the rest of the day is beyond words. I'd rather be a failure in something I love than be successful in something I hate. George Burns falling-in-lovehatesuccessful I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem. George Burns drinkingfunnyfall Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. George Burns wittyteacherfunny I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked. George Burns worrybelievepeople Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns inspirationallifefunny There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed. George Burns carlightdoors I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself. George Burns complainingwittyfunny There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men. George Burns humorfunnysex Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too. George Burns nicestrongideas When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.' George Burns doctorshumorfunny Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. George Burns good-womanhumorfunny I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. George Burns humorousfunnykids I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini. George Burns spillsmartinijogging If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral. George Burns doctorsfuneraltaken When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end. George Burns good-jobhorsejobs Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net. George Burns gamesplaymen It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair. George Burns cuttinghairrunning
