Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work. George Carlin humorchildrenbreakfast If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans. George Carlin motivationchristianpeople People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. George Carlin bullyingphilosophythinking In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around. George Carlin humoroustodayfunny I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate. George Carlin sarcasticwittyfunny I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights. George Carlin humorousstupidfall The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live. George Carlin fineplanetspeople A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining. George Carlin entertainingcrazymind Valentine's Day is devoted to love. Why don't we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o'clock news. George Carlin valentineorderthinking In Hawaii they say, "aloha." That's a nice one, It means both "hello" and "good-bye" Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going. George Carlin nicehumorousmean This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen. George Carlin prayerfatherart They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street. George Carlin criminalswalljail When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse. George Carlin horsemoviekids Spirituality: the last refuge of a failed human. Just another way of distracting yourself from who you really are. George Carlin spiritualitylastsway What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job! George Carlin dogjobslying I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin guyatheisttwo If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church. George Carlin moneychurchwant If God created everything, he's got a serious quality control problem. George Carlin qualityseriousproblem The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is. George Carlin euphemismdivorcedreality I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free. George Carlin hobbiescostinterest
