[On being lesbian:] One pointer: don't come out to your dad in a... by Kate Clinton

[On being lesbian:] One pointer: don't come out to your dad in a moving vehicle.

Kate Clinton

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Categorized in : Moving Dad Sexuality

Some women can't say the word lesbian... even when their mouth is... by Kate Clinton

Some women can't say the word lesbian... even when their mouth is full of one.

lgbt gay mouths

Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I sa... by Kate Clinton

Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.'

good-things mom funny

Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a lesbian onstage is still a very political act; if it weren't, more women would do it.

coming-out political trying

A friend told me that each morning when we get up we have to decide whether we are going to save or savor the world. I don't think that is the decision. It's not an either-or, save or savor. We have to do both, save and savor the world.

decision morning thinking

Gays have always been in the military. Alexander the Great was originally Alexander the Fabulous. A gay man invented C-rations. He claims he could never talk anyone into the cilantro garnish. Obviously, gays were not allowed to design the outfits, because we never would have stayed with the earth tones for so long.

gay military men

Whenever a woman describes herself as a 'post-feminist' I picture women lashed to posts. Joan of Arc was an early post-feminist.

arcs feminism feminist

The Administration's policy on women is often hard to see because it is written in the font size of pharmaceutical ads.

fonts size administration

When women go off together we call it separatism. When men go off... by Kate Clinton

When women go off together we call it separatism. When men go off together we call it Congress.

congress together men

Of all sports, football seems to be the most sanctioned homosocial opportunity for straight men to be with each other, pat butts, struggle, strive, and take showers together. All that talk of tight ends and penetration. The reason there are face masks on those helmets is so that can't kiss each other.

struggle football sports

So few people voted in the elections [of 1996] that the ones who... by Kate Clinton

So few people voted in the elections [of 1996] that the ones who did were called activists.

activist election people

I've always felt that a really good joke, a really good one-liner, is a really good line of poetry. It's imagistic, it's compact, there is a rhythm to it.

one-liner comedy lines

In this political climate, people are so shut down to other ideas - I call it a hardening of the categories - that if you can get them to open up and laugh, there is a possibility of improvement, and a possibility of change. I think humor sneaks up on people, and before you know it, you're laughing at something you might not agree with.

possibility-of-change laughter thinking

[On Nancy Reagan:] At one photo op press conference, she toured a crack house and decried how awful it was, yet one suspected that for our Drug Czarina it had something to do with a plaid couch.

cracks drug house

[On cloning sheep:] Oh great, just what we need - more sheep. by Kate Clinton

[On cloning sheep:] Oh great, just what we need - more sheep.

sheep science needs

Each time we had a visiting writer, I asked what she thought of women and humor. By the end of the year, I had perfected my question and asked Adrienne Rich why there was so little written about women and humor. She looked at me right in the eye and said, 'You write it.' I took that as an order.

eye writing years

John Paulk, the poster boy for 'ex-gays' was found in a gay bar in Washington. He said he was there to use the bathroom. But nobody thought to ask him for what.

I definitely want people to laugh because I don't think there's a better feeling - I think it's just so fabulous to laugh. I don't mind if people think, either. I think the brain is a very sexy organ.

sexy people thinking

As you can imagine I'm disappointed as anything that I was not selected to be the presidential running mate. And I find it continually appalling that it would be a radical thing to have a woman on the ticket.

presidential would-be running

What goes for sex goes double for politics. by Kate Clinton

What goes for sex goes double for politics.

double-standard sex

I want to host a religious show. I'm sure nobody will be wanting the 11 o'clock spot on Sunday morning. I think we should really get some of our own preachers and preach that gay is good. And we'd have a great choir.

gay religious morning