Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed. Phyllis Diller More Quotes by Phyllis Diller More Quotes From Phyllis Diller I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed." Phyllis Diller slothskillsfunny Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles. Phyllis Diller medicinehusbandfunny It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on. Phyllis Diller filmkindgoes-on Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water. Phyllis Diller three-timesthreewater For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move. Phyllis Diller morninginspirationalmoving Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus. Phyllis Diller wallhomepeople Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. Phyllis Diller coffeeinspirationalkids My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12. Phyllis Diller coatslawmother One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit! Phyllis Diller expertsbabychildren My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband. Phyllis Diller husbandlawmother I am constantly being asked about individuals. The only way to win is as a team. Football is not about one or two or three star players. Phyllis Diller teamstarsfootball Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour. Phyllis Diller our-weddinghoursnight Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped. Phyllis Diller romancepagesthinking Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling. Phyllis Diller remodelingwifehusband The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. Phyllis Diller elbowscomplaininginspirational All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like. Phyllis Diller kneesmother This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. Phyllis Diller tennisinspirationalmoving I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies. Phyllis Diller furinspirationalpeople He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers. Phyllis Diller musclesinspirationalmoving Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid! Phyllis Diller absolutely-nothingplacidlakes
