One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach of a foreign missile, your anger can alert you to boundary violations in your life.

Henry Cloud

Categorized in : Firsts Frustration Resentment

A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.

Henry Cloud

love-respect tests doe

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

Henry Cloud

change motivational inspirational

Whatever's happening today, remember it is only ONE SCENE in a long movie. Don't treat it like it's the whole story. Keep writing the story.

Henry Cloud

stories writing long

When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility. Whatever it is, they will feel a loss. If you love them, this will be difficult for you to watch. But, when you are dealing with someone who is hurting, remember that your boundaries are both necessary for you and helpful for them. If you have been enabling them to be irresponsible, your limit setting may nudge them toward responsibility.

Henry Cloud

responsibility hurt loss

When you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.

Henry Cloud

fuel able brain

Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.

Henry Cloud

leaving people moving

The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.

Henry Cloud

care connected heart

Boundaries are basically about providing structure, and structure is essential in building anything that thrives.

Henry Cloud

building essentials boundaries

In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow.

Henry Cloud

leader ends two

The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.

Henry Cloud

fool doe trying

Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great metaphor for endings.

Henry Cloud

pruning alive moving

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You don't have to respond, but I'd like something from you.

Henry Cloud

responsibility two people

The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.

Henry Cloud

immature demand mature-person

The twin sister to autonomy and freedom is responsibility and accountability. You cannot have one with out the other. If someone is given an area of responsibility, not only must they be set free to do it, they must also be held accountable for what they do. Accountability clarifies freedom. In the teams and companies where you see boundary confusion, power struggles, control, over-reaching of one's line of responsibility, you will also see lapses in accountability as well.

Henry Cloud

team responsibility struggle

Marriage is not slavery. It is based on a love relationship deeply rooted in freedom. Each partner is free from the other and therefore free to love the other. Where there is control, or perception of control, there is not love. Love only exists where there is freedom.

Henry Cloud

perception age love

You will not grow without attempting to do things you are unable to do.

Henry Cloud

attempting grows

Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would all be condemned to a life of continually denying reality, arguing or protesting against reality, and never growing from the realities we experience.

Henry Cloud

grief jobs moving

The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt that they owe us. We write off the person’s debt, and she no longer owes us. We no longer condemn her. She is clean. Only one party is needed for forgiveness: me. The person who owes me a debt does not have to ask my forgiveness. It is a work of grace in my heart.

Henry Cloud

party heart writing

We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

Henry Cloud

mistake success people

Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.

Henry Cloud

taken giving people