Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time. Chris Rock More Quotes by Chris Rock More Quotes From Chris Rock Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse. Chris Rock comedianbillsfirsts Are they real fires? Or are people just reacting to something? Just because there’s an alarm going doesn’t mean it’s a fire. And I think that people are confusing the two. It’s only a fire when it offends the fans, and the fans turn on you. Tosh has fans, and they get the joke. If you’ve watched enough Tracy Morgan, you let the worst thing go by. When did Tracy Morgan become Walter Cronkite? You have to mean something to me to offend me. You can’t break up with me if we don’t date. Chris Rock realmeanthinking You got a gun, you don't have to work out. Chris Rock work-outgun Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right. Chris Rock feels You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers. Chris Rock rapperwritingcountry I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table. Chris Rock nicetablesbook White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "gun"? Congressional hearing. Chris Rock gunmenfunny Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career. Chris Rock comediancareerscomfort Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out a fuckin' window and slit his throat on the way down saying, "I can't even put gas in my plane!" Chris Rock gasplanesi-can No, I want big ol' titties in my face! Chris Rock bigsfaceswant I believe you got my property? Chris Rock propertyi-believebelieve Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders. Chris Rock gunhumorfunny Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world. Chris Rock funchildrenworld Anything you can suck at should make you nervous. Chris Rock nervousshould Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them. Chris Rock jobsfunnyfall My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons. Chris Rock linesmotherfunny I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge. Chris Rock best-workkindthinking You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars… five thousand dollars per bullet… You know why? Cause if a bullet cost five thousand dollars there would be no more innocent bystanders. Chris Rock gunmenthinking I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic. Chris Rock democraticindependent Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous. Chris Rock playsometimespeople
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