Garry Shandling: Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performan...

My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"

Garry Shandling

dog opportunity funny

Yes, I'm a nice man and I enjoy babies. I'm a sensitive guy. I held a baby the other day and it was the first time either of us cried.

Garry Shandling

nice baby men

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship.

Garry Shandling

love-is relationship commitment

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone.

Garry Shandling

comedy spontaneity thinking

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

Garry Shandling

comedy television firsts

I don't talk about my hair anymore because I've matured. I matured and realized it doesn't matter what you look like. It's what kind of hair you have inside that counts.

Garry Shandling

matter hair funny

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session.

Garry Shandling

reality moving thinking

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad.

Garry Shandling

pitching puppets done

Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name?

Garry Shandling

dr-phil hiding-something names

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out.

Garry Shandling

mother men father

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show.

Garry Shandling

comedy would-be way

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't.

Garry Shandling

guests use night

The comic strip is what I looked at, and it's another reason I did it. The comic strip, where animals would comment on human behaviour, interested me.

Garry Shandling

behaviour reason animal

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids.

Garry Shandling

single-life would-be kids

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

Garry Shandling

dating vision funny

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

Garry Shandling

safety practice sex

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there.

Garry Shandling

bed real thinking

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.

Garry Shandling

basketball spiritual philosophy

I'm good in bed, actually, and I think I could learn to be a good communicator, too. The only trouble with that is it leads to marriage.

Garry Shandling

bed trouble thinking

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

Garry Shandling

perfectionist comedy beauty

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon.