People ask me if they can send me material, and some people give or send it to me unsolicited, but I rarely buy jokes. Wendy Liebman More Quotes by Wendy Liebman More Quotes From Wendy Liebman I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty. Wendy Liebman truckice-creamrunning I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds. Wendy Liebman psychicsempowermentwant My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. Wendy Liebman hilarioushusbandfunny My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money. Wendy Liebman motherwittyfunny I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. Wendy Liebman dogwittyfunny I think there have always been funny women, from Carol Burnett to Joan Rivers. When the audience sees a woman, they innately know she's worked twice as hard to get there, she's had to prove that she can be the leader, first, and then be funny on top of it. She has to emit a confidence that she's in control. Wendy Liebman leaderriversthinking The only way to really have safe sex is to abstain. From drinking. Wendy Liebman safedrinkingsex In addition to comedy, I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good. Wendy Liebman checkscomedywriting I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry. Wendy Liebman classteacherpeople Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you. Wendy Liebman doctorsparenthouse I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that? Wendy Liebman catmothermemorable People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them....well it's killing me! Wendy Liebman bothering-youmarijuanapeople I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff. Wendy Liebman funny-marriagekitchenneeds I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you. Wendy Liebman guyfunnytelevision I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one. Wendy Liebman smartcollegethinking I've been pitching a show of five female stand-up comedians through the generations, from Phyllis Diller to Amy Schumer, so when I got an e-mail asking me if I would participate in the Women in Comedy Festival, I was thrilled. Wendy Liebman festivalscomedianmail I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you. Wendy Liebman clothespiecesthree My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father. Wendy Liebman mommotherfunny I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore. Wendy Liebman sense-of-humorparent Most of my childhood is a big blur, 'cause I needed better glasses. Wendy Liebman betterblurchildhoodglasses
