People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. Joan Rivers More Quotes by Joan Rivers More Quotes From Joan Rivers Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name. Joan Rivers witty life funny It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who. Joan Rivers sexy love life Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life. Joan Rivers parenting motherhood thank-god Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death. Joan Rivers fashion matter doe I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, "we don't believe it." Joan Rivers ugly parent believe Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her. Joan Rivers boards dresses trying Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. Joan Rivers pain mother sex The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. Joan Rivers running inspirational funny No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face. Joan Rivers botox white moving Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker? Joan Rivers cake husband memorable The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud. Joan Rivers clothes fashion age We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak. Joan Rivers aging age way If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers women witty funny I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. Joan Rivers stomach women memorable You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it. Joan Rivers sexy age memorable My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. Joan Rivers mammograms age memorable My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Joan Rivers funny-love funny-relationship love-you You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary. Joan Rivers dentist canaries rooms I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for the rest of your life.' Joan Rivers rest-of-your-life world thinking Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television. Joan Rivers fashion thank-you country
