Sarcasm will make your tits fall off. Christopher Moore More Quotes by Christopher Moore More Quotes From Christopher Moore Children see magic because they look for it. Christopher Moore imagination-creativitylifechildren An adventure story is fear recalled in comfort. Christopher Moore comfortstoriesadventure If you think anyone is sane you just don’t know enough about them. The key — and this is very relevant in our case — is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own. Christopher Moore keysinsanitythinking He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift. Christopher Moore taughtlove-isthinking Turtles hate heights. They don't even like being a few feet off the ground. It's the main reason they have resisted evolution for so long-fear of heights. Turtle thinking goes thus: Sure, first our scales turn into feathers and the next thing you know we're flying and chirping and perching on trees. We've seen it happen. Thanks, but we're staying right here in the mud where we belong. You're not going to see us flying full-tilt boogie into a sliding glass door. Christopher Moore hatedoorsthinking It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs. Christopher Moore irritatingsarcasmrevolutionary Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong. Christopher Moore flowerheartsong Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair. Christopher Moore bagsrollingdespair Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place. Christopher Moore teethchildrenpeople Why understand when you can believe? Christopher Moore believe Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say. Christopher Moore rehablastsnice I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on. Christopher Moore sevenpantsbreakfast And I'll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer. And should there be children from your beastly rutting, I shall have the Russian man cut them to tiny pieces and feed them to Madame Jacob's dog. because, although he may be only a worthless, simpleminded, libertine artist, Lucien is my favorite, and I will not have him hurt. Do you understand? Christopher Moore hurtdogchildren There's a fine edge to new grief, it severs nerves, disconnects reality--there's mercy in a sharp blade. Only with time, as the edge wears, does the real ache begin. Christopher Moore sorrowgriefreal We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again. Christopher Moore again-and-againback-againpain And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito. Christopher Moore rejectionblackpain Regardless of its purpose, the humpback-whale song is the most complex piece of nonhuman composition on earth. Whether it's art, prayer, or booty call, the humpback song is an amazing thing to experience firsthand, and I suspect that even once the science of it is put to bed, it will remain, as long as they sing, magic. Christopher Moore prayersongart Blessed are the dumbfucks. Christopher Moore blessed Nobody's perfect... Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him. Christopher Moore nobodys-perfectguyperfect Science, you don't know, looks like magic. Christopher Moore magicsciencelooks
