Scientists say an 8.9 earthquake here could knock down buildings, flood coastal areas... and improve the roads. Bill Maher More Quotes by Bill Maher More Quotes From Bill Maher You can behead people, you can crucify them, you can cut their hearts out and eat them on YouTube...but, don't screw with the place where God hid America's oil. Bill Maher oilcuttingheart Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did run, this time things would turn out differently. Yes they would. This time he would get his ass kicked by a woman. Bill Maher assrunningthinking You can't lie to kids about drugs. They know about drugs. You can't say they're just all bad. They know life is a little more complicated. I have never done heroin. I would never recommend heroin, but it hasn't hurt my record collection. Bill Maher hurtkidslying The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?' Bill Maher phonescolorwhite I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting. Bill Maher cancerfunthinking Why are we working so hard to preserve Iraq, a fake country to begin with? Why do we care whether this fake country that was drawn on the map 100 years ago remains? Bill Maher iraqcountryyears Some people think I enjoy debate. I don't. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time. Bill Maher wishpeoplethinking Don't you think that being a person of faith has become a third rail in American politics? If you want to run for president nowadays, you'd better get out there and say you're a very faith-based person. Bill Maher presidentrunningthinking People on the right say to people like me, Oh, you hate America. And I always say, No, I love America. I want it back. I don't want you representing it. I don't want torture representing it. If I hated it, I'd be okay with being represented by the torturers. Bill Maher hateamericapeople Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy. Bill Maher marijuanacomedycollege Talk to women who've ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good. Bill Maher resultsmen In New York now, they have Harvey Milk High School for gay students. They don't have much of a football team, but the half-time show . . . Bill Maher teamnew-yorkfootball Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt? Bill Maher missingamerica The Tea Baggers, they're not a movement, they're a cult.... Cults tend to populate from within, encouraging members to have huge broods of children and to give them strange names, like Moonbeam, and Trig. Bill Maher namesgivingchildren Only a Bush could answer a 'yes' or 'no' question two different ways and be wrong both times. Bill Maher differentanswerstwo Reverend Ted Haggard's followers still think he's not gay. I'm not kidding. In their world, there are no gay people. There are just straight people who are sinning. They don't want to do it, but the Devil makes them! He targets people like Reverend Ted. That's how it happened. The Devil got hold of Reverend Ted, and Ted said, 'Get thee behind me, Satan! And put it in, gently'. Bill Maher gaypeoplethinking Now that they've finished reading the Constitution out loud, the Teabaggers must call out that group of elitist liberals whose values are so antithetical to theirs. I'm talking of course about the Founding Fathers, who the Teabaggers believe are just like them, but aren't. One is a group of exclusively white men who live in a bygone century, have bad teeth, and think of blacks as 3/5 of a person, and the other are the Founding Fathers. Bill Maher readingbelievefather The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.' Bill Maher crazygunkids New rule: Stop calling it Obamacare. It's not like Obama will be the doctor for Bill Maher obamacaredoctorsmen Heroin may be bad, but it sure as hell hasn't hurt my CD collection. Bill Maher cdsaddictionhurt
