She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!" Henny Youngman More Quotes by Henny Youngman More Quotes From Henny Youngman The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs. Henny Youngman humorgolffunny My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough' Henny Youngman doctorshumorfunny I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?' Henny Youngman askslawyertwo I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions. Henny Youngman new-yeargiving-upyears I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him. Henny Youngman horsehumorfunny Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop. Henny Youngman copcommunicationthinking I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. Henny Youngman telephonessawsbills I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon. Henny Youngman afternoonfourlong I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn." Henny Youngman theatrefunnyfirsts His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker. Henny Youngman humorfunnyyears College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink. Henny Youngman fountaindrinkcollege I live about four muggings from Central Park. Henny Youngman central-parkparksfour The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" Henny Youngman doctorshumorfunny Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room. Henny Youngman fiftycardstwo I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself. Henny Youngman commitkillingsuicide Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. Henny Youngman wifelosingimpossible A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks! and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in? Henny Youngman runningdoorsmen My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". Henny Youngman familybrotherfunny Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy! Henny Youngman italianhumorfunny She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match. Henny Youngman girlhumorfunny
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