Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. Demetri Martin More Quotes by Demetri Martin More Quotes From Demetri Martin I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts. Demetri Martin humor listening funny I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that. Demetri Martin Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore. Demetri Martin camping humor funny I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it. Demetri Martin hard firsts thinking It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive. Demetri Martin comedy stories two I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.' Demetri Martin im-sorry good-morning hope I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television. Demetri Martin high-school television school In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard. Demetri Martin yards success america When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'. Demetri Martin humor want funny Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in a mall, and I saw this lady hitting her kid. So I went up to her, and I was like, "Yeah, get him!" She got all mad at me. I was like, "I'm on your side here." Demetri Martin your-side funny kids After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while. Demetri Martin ever-after guy years Okay, so, when I was a kid, definitely the drawings and the illustration. Then I stopped in sixth grade or so. And then I started again when I was in my twenties. I really didn't progress since then, so the way I draw is the way I drew in sixth grade. Demetri Martin illustration drawing kids The reason you often get in comedy is because you're not getting laid. Demetri Martin getting-laid comedy reason REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band. Demetri Martin band would-be interesting I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long. Demetri Martin long lying thinking I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital. Demetri Martin im-sorry motivational funny We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster. Demetri Martin toss dwarves faster I have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate? Demetri Martin balls fate beach Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time. Demetri Martin want forget today Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio. Demetri Martin ohio guy average
