Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond. Ambrose Bierce More Quotes by Ambrose Bierce More Quotes From Ambrose Bierce Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. Ambrose Bierce anniversaryromanticfunny A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul. Ambrose Bierce femaleatheismsoul IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position. Ambrose Bierce bodysittingdeath ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists. Ambrose Bierce thievesmenscience Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey. Ambrose Bierce ridiculefashionwise Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it. Ambrose Bierce acceptingsorrowlost Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy. Ambrose Bierce etiquettehypocrisymanners We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect. Ambrose Bierce posturemajorityattitude EXCEPTION, n. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc. Ambrose Bierce womenhonestytruth Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. Ambrose Bierce editedsaints-and-sinnerssaint Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen. Ambrose Bierce patriotismfeverstones What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends. Ambrose Bierce patriotismwarcountry Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. Ambrose Bierce drinkingbeermotivational Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep. Ambrose Bierce richdistancepoor Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead. Ambrose Bierce eulogywealthpower TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice. Ambrose Bierce sacrificeeyescience Contempt; the feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed. Ambrose Bierce feelingsmenenemy NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient. Ambrose Bierce humorlovefunny Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises. Ambrose Bierce horseeaglesanimal One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises. Ambrose Bierce virtuehypocritedoe
