Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid. Daniel Tosh More Quotes by Daniel Tosh More Quotes From Daniel Tosh You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb! Daniel Tosh bully bombs shut-up How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes? Daniel Tosh planes crash new-york I'm not honest, but you're interesting! Daniel Tosh not-honest honest interesting I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money to: a man that smells 4like liquiid garbage, or ocean breeze? Daniel Tosh ocean men funny Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans. Daniel Tosh boxers matter white I wasn't a pain in the ass when I was a kid. So I think being a screw-up as an adult is way more acceptable. Daniel Tosh pain kids thinking God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system. Daniel Tosh gay hate people Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit. Daniel Tosh care dog way My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school. Daniel Tosh girl education father High school is just like glee, a bunch of people dying of drug overdose. Daniel Tosh drug people school I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist. Daniel Tosh racist country Making a good music video isn't easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of '16 and Pregnant,' which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah. Daniel Tosh mtv video utah I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit. Daniel Tosh racist trying funny Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you? Daniel Tosh second-chance ifs perfect You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can. Daniel Tosh princess daughter years I feel bad sometimes because I secretly hope New Orleans gets nailed again. Daniel Tosh new-orleans feels sometimes The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog. Daniel Tosh cat dog world Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence. Daniel Tosh freshman bigs beautiful Never trust anyone who buttons their top button. Daniel Tosh never-trust-anyone buttons never-trust I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house. Daniel Tosh gay humor funny
