That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin exactly-isairtelevision Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin smartlaughtersarcastic Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here. George Carlin suicidestupiddeath The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin girlchristmasfunny People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day? George Carlin sarcasticwittyfunny With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius. George Carlin traininggeniusevil Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show. George Carlin toolswould-bemind Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car." George Carlin sarcasticwittyfunny That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin sarcasticdreamfunny Life is sacred? Who said so, God? Hey, if you read history you'll realize that God is one of the leading causes of death...has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews, all taking turns killing each other because God told them it was a good idea. George Carlin christianyearsideas The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. George Carlin staying-youngpersonslife-is Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. George Carlin dreamtimefunny War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been. George Carlin classmenwar Obviously, there are people who constrict themselves and build walls around themselves, whether it's from a moral standpoint or a patriotic standpoint, or just plain old conformity, and who therefore live in those little prisons, and when things breach those walls, it's shocking for them. George Carlin patrioticwallpeople Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone? George Carlin militarysoldieramerica If you're looking for self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else? George Carlin selfhelpingbook If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? George Carlin inspirationallifefunny I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin hilarioussarcasticfunny "No comment" is a comment. George Carlin humorstupidfunny The violence of the Left is symbolic, the injuries are not intended. The violence of the Right is real - directed at people, designed to cause injuries. Vietnam, nuclear weapons, police out of control are intentional forms of violence. The violence from the Right is aimed directly at people and the violence from the Left is aimed at institutions and symbols. George Carlin policerealpeople
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