The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

Chris Rock

Categorized in : America Children White

Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he do... by Chris Rock

Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.

comedian bills firsts

Are they real fires? Or are people just reacting to something? Just because there’s an alarm going doesn’t mean it’s a fire. And I think that people are confusing the two. It’s only a fire when it offends the fans, and the fans turn on you. Tosh has fans, and they get the joke. If you’ve watched enough Tracy Morgan, you let the worst thing go by. When did Tracy Morgan become Walter Cronkite? You have to mean something to me to offend me. You can’t break up with me if we don’t date.

real mean thinking

You got a gun, you don't have to work out. by Chris Rock

You got a gun, you don't have to work out.

work-out gun

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right. by Chris Rock

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

feels

You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers.

rapper writing country

I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate... by Chris Rock

I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.

nice tables book

White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "gun"? Congre... by Chris Rock

White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "gun"? Congressional hearing.

gun men funny

Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.

comedian careers comfort

Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out a fuckin' window and slit his throat on the way down saying, "I can't even put gas in my plane!"

gas planes i-can

No, I want big ol' titties in my face! by Chris Rock

No, I want big ol' titties in my face!

bigs faces want

I believe you got my property? by Chris Rock

I believe you got my property?

property i-believe believe

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

gun humor funny

Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.

fun children world

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous. by Chris Rock

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.

nervous should

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

jobs funny fall

My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.

lines mother funny

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge. by Chris Rock

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

best-work kind thinking

You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars… five thousand dollars per bullet… You know why? Cause if a bullet cost five thousand dollars there would be no more innocent bystanders.

gun men thinking

I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic. by Chris Rock

I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.

democratic independent

Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they... by Chris Rock

Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.

play sometimes people