The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it! Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer. Woody Allen platosummerhouse Money is not everything, but it is better than having one's health. Woody Allen money A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense. Woody Allen defenseselftree I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. Woody Allen humorlifefunny The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off. Woody Allen flamessleepyears Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. Woody Allen barssufferingsex I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics. Woody Allen marriagebelievepeople I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. Woody Allen humorouswittyideas All i have in my life is my imagination Woody Allen my-imaginationimaginationlife-is When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen humorparentfunny One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles. Woody Allen rolespeopleinteresting In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly. Woody Allen partydressestwo I would not like to live in the past because you don't get anesthetic when you go to the dentist. You don't get antibiotics. You don't get the things that you are used to now, cell phones and televisions and things that are very convenient. You don't want that. But, it would be fun if you could, every now and then, just meet a friend for lunch at Maxim's in Paris in 1900, or go back to 1870 just for a couple of hours, take a walk in the park, and then come right back to Broadway. Woody Allen couplefunpast You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life. Woody Allen missinglaughingphilosophy It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel. Woody Allen angelsarcasticlove The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. Woody Allen appreciatehappyhappiness By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'. Woody Allen heuristicssimplemistake Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to. Woody Allen atheismbelieveyears You can be with your wife, very happily married, and then you meet some woman and you love her. But you love your wife, too. And you also love that one. Or if she's met some man and she loves the man and she loves you. And then you meet somebody else and now there are three of you. Why only one person? Woody Allen wifelove-youmen Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything. Woody Allen crumbsresultshumans
