The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo. Art Buchwald More Quotes by Art Buchwald More Quotes From Art Buchwald War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing. Art Buchwald fighting men war I know it's very egocentric to believe that someone is put on Earth for a reason. In my case, I like to think I was. Art Buchwald ego believe thinking The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house. Art Buchwald house doors son I can now say without hesitation the Marine Corps was the best foster home I ever had. Art Buchwald marine youth home Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, "I am not a crook." Jimmy Carter says, "I have lusted after women in my heart." President Reagan says, "I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope." Art Buchwald taken heart writing It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh. Art Buchwald growing-up silly children This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security. Art Buchwald firefighter birthday way Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television? Art Buchwald political talking television No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country. Art Buchwald fighting war country I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do. Art Buchwald tennis lists sex When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it Art Buchwald funny-wine wine writing The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water. Art Buchwald cooking food water Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week Art Buchwald government night school Writers are funny about reviews: when they get a good one they ignore it-- but when they get a bad review they never forget it. Every writer I know is the same way: you get a hundred good reviews, and one bad, andyou remember only the bad. For years, you go on and fantasize about the reviewer who didn't like your book; you imagine him as a jerk, a wife-beater, a real ogre. And, in the meantime, the reviewer has forgotten all about the whole thing. But, twenty years later, the writer still remembers that one bad review. Art Buchwald real book years Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself. Art Buchwald tests doe running I don't know whether this is the best of times or the worst of times, but I assure you it's the only time you've got. You can either sit on your expletive deleted or pick a daisy. Art Buchwald daisies accepting reality People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man does not drive, there is something wrong with him. Art Buchwald dope men people Ascot is so exclusive that it is the only racecourse in the world where the horses own the people. Art Buchwald horse people world I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive. Art Buchwald dialysis alive hero I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought. Art Buchwald done goes-on years
