The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that." P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes From P. J. O'Rourke Then there was communism's weak-tea sister, socialism. Socialists maintained that we shouldn't take all the money away from all the people since all the people don't have money. We should take all the money away from only the people who make money. Then, when we run out of that, we could take more money from the people who...hey, wait! Where'd you people go? What do you mean you're "tax exiles in Monaco?" P. J. O'Rourke runningmeanpeople Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch. P. J. O'Rourke teethexpensive Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn't mean you're mad at your mailman. P. J. O'Rourke officeinspirationalmean The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say. P. J. O'Rourke scaryjobsideas Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual. P. J. O'Rourke truthfulhumorfunny Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are a woman. P. J. O'Rourke fashionmendirty The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen. P. J. O'Rourke capitalismhappensideas Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow ... It is impossible to be alive and safe. P. J. O'Rourke horseracefun Now for good or ill, California is the place where trends tend to be set in Western civilization - if civilization indeed it is. California, for several generations now, has been the newest, biggest, most experimental place in the newest, biggest, most experimental part of liberal Western capitalism - which is itself a new experiment for mankind. P. J. O'Rourke californiacivilizationamerica I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do. P. J. O'Rourke journalismlanguagefunny For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches. P. J. O'Rourke babyfunnychildren Violence is interesting. This is a great obstacle to world peace and also to more thoughtful television programming. P. J. O'Rourke thoughtfultelevisioninteresting My Grandmother wouldn't even speak the word Democrat if there were children in the room, she'd say Bastards instead. P. J. O'Rourke grandmotherchildrenrooms Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy. P. J. O'Rourke journalismfacesjoy Taxi drivers all over the world, by the way, are under Newspaper Guild contract to give easy quotes to foreign correspondents. P. J. O'Rourke givingfunnyworld Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. P. J. O'Rourke fathers-daydeathchildren Seriously. It was running out at Rolling Stone. First of all, they didn't feel the need for a dissident conservative voice in a world where certain conservative aspects had become intellectually dominant. I would actually argue against that, but on the surface of it, in the [Bill] Clinton years the market economy triumphed, certain libertarian ideas became ordinary, and certain early-20th-century ideas about centralization of government and economic planning and socialism with a small "s" had obviously gone out the window. The Cold War was over, blah blah blah. P. J. O'Rourke governmentrunningwar With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life. P. J. O'Rourke lifebelievethinking There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself. P. J. O'Rourke mind-your-own-businesstwohands Ann Coulter to me is someone who says things that I say all the time, but I say them at three in the morning when I'm drunk as a monkey. She says them at three in the afternoon stone sober in bright daylight. P. J. O'Rourke drunkthreemorning
