The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his . W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks. W. C. Fields philadelphiatwofirsts Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. W. C. Fields rest-of-your-lifecomedytrying The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. W. C. Fields lazyhumormen A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. W. C. Fields moneysarcasticfunny Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. W. C. Fields drinkingbeerreality Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep. W. C. Fields humoroussleepfunny Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself. W. C. Fields trustcuttingcards I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. W. C. Fields huntingwittyfunny A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. W. C. Fields cheating Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. W. C. Fields worryheartlong I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. W. C. Fields strongwittyfunny It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. W. C. Fields confidenceself-esteeminspirational This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful. W. C. Fields gratefuljobsfunny The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. W. C. Fields cheesycatclever I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here. W. C. Fields steakhorseused My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass. W. C. Fields orange-treesglassesambition Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. W. C. Fields drinkingbooktravel If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. W. C. Fields saloonsliving-my-lifedrinking I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me. W. C. Fields drinkhumorousbeer No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree. W. C. Fields degreescrazydoubt
