The last man that makes a joke owns it. Finley Peter Dunne More Quotes by Finley Peter Dunne More Quotes From Finley Peter Dunne Trust everybody, but cut the cards. Finley Peter Dunne father-sontrustcutting The past always looks better than it was; Finley Peter Dunne emotionaltimepast The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married. Finley Peter Dunne marriagehusbandfunny That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns. Finley Peter Dunne constitutionflagsreturn No, sir, th' dimmycratic party ain't on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an' set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an' th' other hisses Miscreent ye can bet they're two dimmycratic leaders thryin' to reunite th' gran' ol' party. Finley Peter Dunne partywhitemen I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man. Finley Peter Dunne contactbusinessmen What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife. Finley Peter Dunne marriagewifenatural It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels. Finley Peter Dunne monkeysangelhumanity Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable. Finley Peter Dunne inherit-the-windcomfortstories Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman. Finley Peter Dunne opportunitymennight There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare. Finley Peter Dunne newswritingworld High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts. Finley Peter Dunne burglaryfinanceart A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him. Finley Peter Dunne thinking When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy. Finley Peter Dunne musicalrunningpeople A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary. Finley Peter Dunne gamesmenwar Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better. Finley Peter Dunne drinkmenthinking A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable Finley Peter Dunne being-liedpurposelying Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while. Finley Peter Dunne drinkenoughmight A man's idee in a card game is war Finley Peter Dunne gamesmenwar The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living. Finley Peter Dunne new-yorkwisemen
