The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success. Robert Benchley More Quotes by Robert Benchley More Quotes From Robert Benchley The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps. Robert Benchley pieceswritingmen I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. Robert Benchley humorouswittyfunny Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment. Robert Benchley procrastinationworkfunny In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. Robert Benchley airplanechildrentravel Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. Robert Benchley humorworkpeople Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't. Robert Benchley anything-can-happenhappens A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. Robert Benchley loyaltydogfunny I am more the inspirational type of speller. I work on hunches rather than mere facts, and the result is sometimes open to criticism by purists. Robert Benchley criticismsometimesfacts Who said time machines haven't been built yet? They already exist. They're called books Robert Benchley machinessaidbook Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. Robert Benchley sarcasticinspirationalfunny Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other. Robert Benchley petdogchildren It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. Robert Benchley timeinspirationalfunny There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not. Robert Benchley classtwopeople But ice-crunching and loud gum-chewing, together with drumming on tables, and whistling the same tune 70 times in succession, because they indicate an indifference on the part of the perpetrator to the rest of the world in general, are not only registered on the delicate surfaces of the brain but eat little holes in it until it finally collapses or blows up. Robert Benchley iceblowbrain A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. Robert Benchley perseverancedoglying Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about. Robert Benchley partyfunnyfall The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time. Robert Benchley smartsmokingpeople It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly. Robert Benchley actorsplayart England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example. Robert Benchley england-and-americabaseballgames I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures. Robert Benchley healtheyehair
