The term Big Brother is from George Orwell's book 1984 - where everyone's watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I've never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn't that more like Creepy Uncle?

Craig Ferguson

Categorized in : Book Brother Uncles

I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

Craig Ferguson

stars player thinking

...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: "Does this need to be said?" "Does this need to be said by me?" "Does this need to be said by me now?"

Craig Ferguson

self say-anything doe

Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.

Craig Ferguson

your-future tomorrow yesterday

These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

Craig Ferguson

teaching teacher kids

Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.

Craig Ferguson

recovery addiction alcohol

This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.

Craig Ferguson

biblical religious lying

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

Craig Ferguson

humor funny thinking

I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

Craig Ferguson

confused humor funny

If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.

Craig Ferguson

train-wrecks humor funny

Some people take the spelling bee very seriously. These people are called "parents of children in the spelling bee." They're trying to make up for their own childhood of crushed dreams and misspelled words.

Craig Ferguson

dream children people

An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.

Craig Ferguson

males police years

Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.

Craig Ferguson

who-cares birth want

Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.

Craig Ferguson

despair laughter giving

Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.

Craig Ferguson

money drinking heart

People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.

Craig Ferguson

stupid life children

I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk.

Craig Ferguson

recovery addiction thinking

Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.

Craig Ferguson

bottles book world

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

Craig Ferguson

tonight evil cards

The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It's difficult to tell.

Craig Ferguson

botox bills thinking

I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.

Craig Ferguson

fashion games believe