Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right. P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes From P. J. O'Rourke There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them. P. J. O'Rourke xmaschristmasfunny Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us. P. J. O'Rourke democracies-havedemocracygovernment Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening. P. J. O'Rourke sufferingcountryamerica We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it. P. J. O'Rourke republicanchoicespast The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average. P. J. O'Rourke provenaverageamerica Guns are always the best method for a private suicide. They are more stylish looking than single-edged razor blades and natural gas has got so expensive. Drugs are too chancy. You might miscalculate the dosage and just have a good time. P. J. O'Rourke druggunsuicide Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive. P. J. O'Rourke girlfriendfoodcute When are the world's political parties going to get appropriate symbols: snake, louse, jackal, ... trash can, clown face, ... dollar bill with bat wings on it? P. J. O'Rourke snakespartywings Microeconomics is about money you don't have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of. P. J. O'Rourke microeconomicsmacroeconomicsgovernment Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint. P. J. O'Rourke humorousdrinkingfunny I'm a political conservative. P. J. O'Rourke conservativepolitical The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. P. J. O'Rourke partygovernmenthumorous The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. P. J. O'Rourke new-yearcleverinspirational A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. P. J. O'Rourke fashionlifefunny Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. P. J. O'Rourke divorcepawnschildren There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon. P. J. O'Rourke scaryfactspeople If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. P. J. O'Rourke libertygovernmentwould-be Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. P. J. O'Rourke foodfunnychildren Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent! P. J. O'Rourke marriedexcellentparent Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us. P. J. O'Rourke proposalrebelliousgovernment
