There are no kinder or better people in the world than those who listen to you when you are 18. P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes From P. J. O'Rourke So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else available. Western civilization not only provides a bit of life, a pinch of liberty and the occasional pursuance of happiness, it's also the only thing that's ever tried to. Our civilization is the first in history to show even the slightest concern for average, undistinguished, none-too-commendable people like us. P. J. O'Rourke europe average civilization Just as some things are too strange for fiction, others are too true for journalism. P. J. O'Rourke journalism strange fiction Our democracy, our culture, our whole way of life is a spectacular triumph of the blah. Why not have a political convention without politics to nominate a leader who's out in front of nobody? Maybe our national mindlessness is the very thing that keeps us from turning into one of those smelly European countries full of pseudo-reds and crypto-fascists and greens who dress like forest elves. P. J. O'Rourke leader country america Imagine a weight-loss program at the end of which, instead of better health, good looks, and hot romantic prospects, you die. Somalia had become just this kind of spa. P. J. O'Rourke hot loss looks Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. P. J. O'Rourke sports funny country One nice thing about the Third World, you don't have to fasten your seat belt. (Or stop smoking. Or cut down on saturated fats.) It takes a lot off your mind when average life expectancy is forty-five minutes. P. J. O'Rourke cutting nice average Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic. P. J. O'Rourke odd opinion wine A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude, or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be. P. J. O'Rourke should dresses attention Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd be a fool to spend years here and never have a look. P. J. O'Rourke war years thinking How did an allegedly free people spawn a vast, rampant cuttlefish of dominion with its tentacles in every orifice of the body politic? P. J. O'Rourke dominion body people Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union. P. J. O'Rourke reform humor funny Politics should be limited in scope to ware, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling class. P. J. O'Rourke protection scope class It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s. Liberals would still be fumbling with the federally mandated trigger locks. P. J. O'Rourke squares humor funny It takes a lot of weapons to do good works (as Richard the Lionhearted could have told us). And this is not just a Somali problem. We have poverty and deprivation in our own country. Try standing unarmed on a street corner in Compton handing out twenty-dollar bills and see how long you last. P. J. O'Rourke trying long country How a peaceful, uncrowded place with ample wherewithal stays poor is hard to explain. How a conflict-ridden, grossly over-populated place with no resources whatsoever gets rich is simple. The British colonial government turned Hong Kong into an economic miracle by doing nothing. P. J. O'Rourke miracle government simple Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids. P. J. O'Rourke successful baby kids Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. P. J. O'Rourke sauce sin cooking I wonder if it changes the nature of a society for beauty to be so common. Maybe in Vietnam "She has a wonderful personality" really means something. But I couldnt figure out a polite way to ask. P. J. O'Rourke personality love mean We won't dispassionately investigate or rationally debate which drugs do what damage and whether or how much of that damage is the result of criminalization. We'd rather work ourselves into a screaming fit of puritanism and then go home and take a pill. P. J. O'Rourke pills drug home Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers. P. J. O'Rourke careers girl work