There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool. Demetri Martin More Quotes by Demetri Martin More Quotes From Demetri Martin You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between? Demetri Martin thanksmillionsnumbers I always wanted to do a movie, because I love the movies. They give you a chance to have an intimacy with your audience that is different from stand up. With movies, you can bring the audience in with a close up, and emote in a different way. Demetri Martin differentchancegiving I like birthdays. Every time someone is born, that's just like bringing more cake into the world. Demetri Martin cakebornworld I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. Demetri Martin governmentstudentscollege Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows. Demetri Martin eyebrowsterribleperfect Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric. Demetri Martin drysnacksperfect Everything I ever learned I was told by someone else. Demetri Martin I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling. Demetri Martin snapshotskindfeelings You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone. Demetri Martin get-realdisillusionedrealizing There are two kinds of jackets - reversible, and reversible but it's hard to zipper up and it looks really stupid. Demetri Martin zippersstupidtwo Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles. Demetri Martin truckcirclesfire When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. Demetri Martin skateboardingcaliforniakids Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron. Demetri Martin apronsprintedwise I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. Demetri Martin lawinterestingschool I was thinking how strange it is that water is one of the best, simplest things on this planet, and still with a simple glass of water you can neutralize so many of the greatest technological advances that we provide. Like with my blackberry, I can get in touch with so many people, but if I dip it in a small glass of water I'm completely disconnected. Demetri Martin glassessimplethinking I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association. Demetri Martin presidentlawschool I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'. Demetri Martin sawshumorfunny The question is, 'how bad at sports were you as a kid?' I grew up near where they film Jersey Shore. If you weren't tan, muscular, and book-averse, you were a dork and a nerd and a geek and stuff. I remember being into Gary Larsen, Stephen Wright, Peter Sellers. Demetri Martin sportskidsbook Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax. Demetri Martin hecklingratchetsrooms But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. Demetri Martin disappointinggood-thingspeople
