There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.' Ogden Nash More Quotes by Ogden Nash More Quotes From Ogden Nash Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. Ogden Nash friday birthday funny The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly. Ogden Nash pressure mind doors I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned. Ogden Nash humor men funny Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental. Ogden Nash dental-work teeth funny Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon. Ogden Nash and-love gold love-is So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat Ogden Nash wife husband believe Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. Ogden Nash marriage inspirational life Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. Ogden Nash funny-birthday marriage relationship Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit. So here we are several billion of us, crowded into our global concentration camp for the duration. How are we to survive? Solemnity is not the answer, any more than witless and irresponsible frivolity is. I think our best chance lies in humor, which in this case means a wry acceptance of our predicament. We don't have to like it but we can at least recognize its ridiculous aspects, one of which is ourselves. Ogden Nash acceptance mean lying There was a young man of Herne Bay Ogden Nash smoking men funny Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind. Ogden Nash remorse violent mind Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long. Ogden Nash progress gone long I think that I shall never see Ogden Nash inspiration fall thinking If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work. Ogden Nash crazy money funny Some debts are fun while you are acquiring them, But none are fun when you set about retiring them. Ogden Nash debt-free owing-a-debt fun There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction. Ogden Nash headings progress lifetime One thing that literature would be greatly the better for Ogden Nash employment literature would-be There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin. Ogden Nash dancing truth thinking The truth I do not stretch or shove Ogden Nash tests states dog I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew. Ogden Nash shrews truth-is drinking
