There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation. Demetri Martin More Quotes by Demetri Martin More Quotes From Demetri Martin I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front. Demetri Martin fronts knows cards Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago. Demetri Martin three remember years My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered. Demetri Martin credit balance cards I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up. Demetri Martin nerd comedian growing-up Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. Demetri Martin funny ideas thinking My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag. Demetri Martin bags too-much way One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket. Demetri Martin ironic murder weapons If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often. Demetri Martin mopeds guy behavior When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries. Demetri Martin fries potatoes couches When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals. Demetri Martin rodeo roots animal At the battle of the bands the loser's always the audience. Demetri Martin loser band battle Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever. Demetri Martin stranger want Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time. Demetri Martin writing people interesting There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend. Demetri Martin liking-someone song I've never read an article of clothing. Demetri Martin clothings articles Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious. Demetri Martin behavior Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. Demetri Martin humor example funny The definition of adventure depends upon how boring your life is. Demetri Martin definitions life-is adventure I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.' Demetri Martin news long thinking I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors. Demetri Martin flavor eating natural
