These pretzels are making me thirsty! Jerry Seinfeld More Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld More Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. Jerry Seinfeld greatest-fearaveragepeople That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill. Jerry Seinfeld nervousskillsnatural I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!" Jerry Seinfeld leather-jacketsraindoors You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way not to have people notice you than taking a thirty foot Cadillac with a TV antenna and a uniformed driver. How discreet. Nobody cares who's in the limo. You see a limo go by, you know it's either some rich jerk or fifty prom kids with $1.75 each. Jerry Seinfeld feetkidspeople I like definitive things. Jerry Seinfeld The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. Jerry Seinfeld carrealwriting We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it. Jerry Seinfeld kindcountryworld I'd like to do one of those jumps they do in the movies; in a car, over a bridge, in the air with a huge explosion. It would be a final moment of entertainment. Jerry Seinfeld carbridgesair Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination. Jerry Seinfeld nominationsgoldenoscars My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this. Jerry Seinfeld wifedaughterhouse Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it. Jerry Seinfeld groupsorganizationmen I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks. Jerry Seinfeld chinesefunnypeople Festivus for the Restivus! Jerry Seinfeld Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964. Jerry Seinfeld humorousnew-yorkfunny I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me. Jerry Seinfeld hamburgersdreamnight I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man! Jerry Seinfeld freaking-out Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with. Jerry Seinfeld tortureblessinglife-is Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. Jerry Seinfeld important-thingsimportantinspirational What the hell, I'll just eat some trash. Jerry Seinfeld eclairsgymnasthell A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence. Jerry Seinfeld existencelaughingsex
