They always say start at the bottom if you want to learn something. But suppose you want to learn to swim? Tommy Cooper More Quotes by Tommy Cooper More Quotes From Tommy Cooper I'm recovering from a cold. I'm so full of penicillin that, if I sneeze, I'll cure someone. Tommy Cooper cure full someone cold Electricity is a wonderful thing. Do you realise that if we didn't have electricity, we'd be watching television by candle light? Tommy Cooper you candle light television I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, 'Which way?' Tommy Cooper make some said way So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' Tommy Cooper great me you car Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place. Tommy Cooper place like fire night I've got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect! Tommy Cooper never me aim wife The town was so dull: one day the tide went out, and it never came back. Tommy Cooper never day back one-day So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.' Tommy Cooper your thought library said My wife had a bad habit of biting her nails, but I cured her. I hid her teeth. Tommy Cooper bad nails habit wife My wife said, 'Take me in your arms and whisper something soft and sweet.' I said, 'chocolate fudge.' Tommy Cooper me wife chocolate sweet I'm on a whisky diet... last week, I lost three days! Tommy Cooper diet week three lost It doesn't matter how many times the audience has heard it before. If it's funny, it's funny. Tommy Cooper how audience matter funny I haven't got an ad lib for people throwing bread rolls at my hat. Tommy Cooper hat got bread people I always sit in the back of a plane. It's much safer. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain! Tommy Cooper never back you mountain
