This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!"... by Matt Groening

This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson

Matt Groening

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If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat? by Matt Groening

If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat?

cows meat want

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head. by Matt Groening

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

sanity voice heart

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture. by Matt Groening

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.

family emotional love

My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.

bart-simpson want kids

Everybody is clever, just in their own ways by Matt Groening

Everybody is clever, just in their own ways

clever way

Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's part of it. It means being yourself, not just complying with the wishes of other people.

being-yourself creativity mean

A lot of people believe that if everybody just did what they were told - obeyed - everything would be fine. But that's not what life is all about. That's not real. It's never going to happen.

real believe people

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anythi... by Matt Groening

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

done people

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and mo... by Matt Groening

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson

broken-heart motivational inspirational

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England. by Matt Groening

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

hilarious england needs

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees by Matt Groening

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees

vegetarian grew tree

Part of the fun of being alive is knowing that you're annoying th... by Matt Groening

Part of the fun of being alive is knowing that you're annoying the hell out of someone else.

alive knowing fun

Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wise... by Matt Groening

Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?

uncaring universe kind

I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.

snakes wine owl

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

broken-heart love life

The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid. by Matt Groening

The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid.

stupid world

You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

buttons nuclear-reactors boys

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the... by Matt Groening

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

montana sugar money

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a m... by Matt Groening

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

ability matter people

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

lessons-to-be-learned witty sex